Speaking of Gnomes

It's vaguely related story hour!

I began agitating for a yard gnome soon after I moved in with my now-husband, what with having an actual house with an actual yard.  Well, an actual house with a gravel-mulched xeriscaped plot surrounding it.  Not that I dislike xeriscaping -- it can really be lovely, and God knows we can kill plants with the best of them -- but the builder's interpretation of it is sparse at best, and the neighborhood association was so taken with it that it's in the neighborhood covenants (do they keep them in a Neighborhood Ark?) that the front landscaping is not to be densely planted.  For what it's worth, we've gone even sparser by killing our small tree and being scared to replace it lest we kill Tree 2.0.

(Photo from this Telegraph story about gnome discrimination)

Anyway.  Imagine my surprise and delight (and shock and awe!) when my husband came home from Walgreen's bearing two yard gnomes.  He saw them for like $5 each when he was picking up a prescription or something and took the plunge into gnome ownership, because he is awesome.  Then the following conversation ensued:

Me: Yay!  Where do you want to put them?
Him: Well, one's going in the garage.  Which one do you want to put out?
Me: Garage?
Him: Some kid's going to steal our gnome, or break it!  I got a spare!

This gnome-paranoia shouldn't have been a surprise, as he's been muttering dire warnings about how terrible things happen to yard gnomes ever since I first mentioned wanting one.  He takes a dim view of the goodness of mankind.  But, take heart!  It's been over a year, and our gnome is mostly unmolested.  We had to set him upright again after a cat rubbed up against him once, but that's all.  It may be time to bring the second gnome into play.

Ooh, and we totally need this from Toscano next: