11 August 2009

(You Know How Mike Is)

I just came across this Thanksgiving OCD/passive-aggressive gem at the gift to the universe that is Awkward Family Photos -- now with awkward family stories!

The link to it is my gift to you. I think my favorite is Lisa, who as a married woman is required to contribute to Thanksgiving at an adult level.

08 August 2009

Breaking News

Have you heard that Obama's health plan will confiscate all puppies and bake them into a pie?

And that pie will be served a la mode.

Psycho Phone, Qu'est-ce que c'est?

Imagine, if you will: you are sitting in a conference session next to one of your mentors, who happens to be the president of the organization holding the conference. Your phone is dutifully turned to silent. Then, out of nowhere, it ... rings. Loudly. Your ringtone. Which happens to be the Danny Elfman-composed theme to "Tales From the Crypt".

What do you do? What DO you do?

Here's what I did:
1. Picked up the phone
2. Dropped it on the floor

(UNH UNH was all I heard
Are we going to let the elevator bring us down
Oh no
Let's go crazy!)

3. Prince reenactment over, muttered "Jesus", and possibly also "Shit"
4. Turned volume down and noted it was already set to "sounds off"
5. Finally fumbled the phone off


My only saving grace is that my parents had the psychic impulse to call right between two talks. But that doesn't mean I didn't feel like an asshole. The mentor, fortunately, laughed and muttered, "Good timing." She rocks.

I preferred the psycho behavior of last week, when it was turning itself off and back on for no reason. Can't we go back to playing that game, phone? Please?

And don't think I didn't notice that you ate like three tweets today.