29 June 2008

I am in Need of a Good Taxidermist

Receiving one of those "Yes, we're still maintaining the illusion that your generation will benefit from Social Security" pamphlets in which one learns how much the monthly payout will be if one becomes disabled now, retires at age 67, or holds out until 70 recently prompted my awesome, if dour, boyfriend to comment, "I'll probably be dead by then anyway," after which I asked, dismayed, "Well, what am I supposed to do after that?" His immediate and enthusiastic reply:

"Have me stuffed!"

Later we had a whole discussion of what attitude I should choose to have him preserved in, me favoring a tasteful full-body display in the corner of the living room, possibly in dynamic pose (hilariously disconcerting to the beaus of my widowhood), him favoring a wall-mounted trophy torso with jazz hands (he wins).

Related only in that the boyfriend suspects this guy, like him, is secretly Canadian, I invite you to listen to this specimen of hosebaggery, courtesy of the public service Hot Chicks With Douchebags:

A Picker-Up Who Clearly Does Know What Passive-Aggressive Means

Actually, dude, there IS something wrong with you.

UPDATE: It would seem he is Canadian.

16 June 2008

Uncompelling Mysteries: Solved!

Q: How does the Incredible Hulk keep his pants on?!?
A: Thanks to the good people at Marvel Studios, we now know that Bruce Banner wears outsized pants.

It's worth noting that The Incredible Hulk did satisfy a salient criterion for enjoyable films, in that it is a film in which someone yells, "NOOOO!"

Films in Which Someone Yells, "NOOO!"

For some reason, I am infinitely tickled by characters in movies yelling, "NOOO!" at dramatic moments, preferably whilst falling despairingly to their knees and/or shaking their fists at cruel fate. I think it's because someone yelling, "NOOO!" often takes the film from overblown action would-be blockbuster to campy hilarity. In addition, I am pretty sure that no one has reacted this way in earnest to adverse events in the real world ever. Thus, another ongoing blog post, this one cataloguing films in which someone yells, "NOOO!"

UPDATE 17 Jun 2008: I am informed by a reliable source that "NOOO!" is yelled in earnest in response to adverse events in the real world. And she would know, being an international corporate disaster survivor -- although notably NOT a diabolical creature of one's own creation survivor. Or if she is, she keeps it pretty quiet.

Movie: The Incredible Hulk, 2008

"NOOO!" Yelled By: William Hurt as Gen. Ross

Circumstances: Daughter in peril

Movie: Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith, 2005

"NOOO!" Yelled By: Hayden Christensen as Anakin Skywalker

Circumstances: Encased in natty black life support system; believes he killed love of life

Movie: Spiderman 2, 2004

"NOOO!" Yelled By: Alfred Molina as Doc Ock

Circumstances: Technological know-how, hubris cause imprisonment by diabolical creation