Dear Keanu Reeves,
Your newfound desire for a family and a stable life are very endearing, and I have had a soft spot for you ever since Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. As a result, it is with great regret that I inform you that, while I agree that beards are pretty sweet, if yours is still patchy when you are 41, you should accept that you will never achieve full coverage. Please consider a different facial hair conformation. Perhaps a moustache; that, at least, is looking pretty solid, and I understand from their sudden presence on random hipster dudes-about-town that they're totally happening right now.
Hearts & rainbows,
Me
P.S. The internet has failed to yield a link directly related to The State sketch "The Bearded Men of Space Station 11". I'm not angry with you, interweb -- just very, very disappointed.
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2 comments:
Dear god, the patchy beard is a plague the likes of which humanity has not seen since the news coverage of bird flu! Do these men not know the meaning of "It's all or nothing"?
Aw, thanks your sweet comment. You and your family are awesome too. Remember our dads are in the same club--Johns Organized to Help the Name. So with that plus the mutual awesomeness, we're practically related.
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